Aug 22 2007
Is she really manipulating?
‘I want Nanny to come to my home, Mummy’ says D over and over again. At first, I kept repeating the story I had initially framed that Naani has to make mummum for Naana. in retrospect, I am not sure that was right.
Last couple of times she adds ‘Yucky Naana’ in addition to ‘I will tell Naani not to make mummum for Naana and come to my home’. Most of the time she says this when she gets corrected for bad behavior and is looking for a rescuer. I keep telling myself she is just using it as an excuse to get out of the situation, which by the way she is very capable of.
This morning, I was still in my bed with Dlittle cooing near me. D and papa were sleeping downstairs. Dlittle’s cooing got louder and she was looking absolutely adorable. Made me make a call to Naani, and Naani was as always hyper to here the little one. I did not realise I had been talking to her for more then an hour, D woke up in the mean time and came upstairs. Its our morning ritual, she wakes up, comes to me, we wish each others a very good morning, snuggles into me and sleeps few more minutes. This morning she came up, wished good morning and asked who I was talking to. I said ‘Naani, betu. You want to talk?’ She took the phone from me and the first sentence she uttered ‘Please come to my home Naani’. Naani could not speak for few seconds. I can only imagine what she might have gone through. She gathered herself and said I will come soon beta. Naana wants to talk to you. and hands the phone to Naana. Only for Naana to hear that he was a yucky Naana and D does not like him because he made Naani to come there and make mummum for him. I asked D to stop saying that, but Naana stopped me and asked me to let her vent it out . 
Dlittle is sleeping and I am supposed to start the work day. The tone D used this morning is haunting me. Is my love not enough? Is my baby feeling left out? I so wanted to not send her to day care today, but I have a work commitment today. duh!
I know life has to go on, I just needed a place to vent!
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awwww…am so sorry ur feeling bad. But dont worry little ones are usually resilient little ones…ur love for her will be mroe than enough..ul see..:)
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Rbdans,
I don’t think D feels left out or less loved or anything like that. I think she just misses her Nani so much. Try giving her another reason besides making mummam for Nana. And make sure that D communicates as often as she wants with Nani over the phone. This might help a little bit. I can understand how difficult it must be taking care of the infant and a toddler yearning for attention.
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I think she’s still getting used to your mom’s absence. Give her some time. Children have a way of rebounding soon enough. You sound like u are doing a wonderful job, so pat yourself on the back.
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Cheer up momma…
You are doing your best…
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Oh poor D… and poor you too! She must still be missing her Naani. I agree with mnamma – maybe you need to find another reason why naani’s gone away…and maybe try and spin a story around when she’ll come back.
Don’t be so hard on yourself – you’re doing the best you can!
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Awww….poor little baby! She is really missing her Naani! Hugs to her!
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I dont know if she is manipulating…she probably misses her a whole lot and is getting creative abt expressing it. I wouldn’t doubt your capactity to provide love…I’m sure the fact taht you acknowledge her emotions will go a long way. maybe get some books/tv shows on the theme and explain to her that grandmas visit and leave and visit again?
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Poor child, she is missing her naani a lot. Hopefully u will be able to tide over this period.
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Hey. She does miss her naani and you silly girl, it has nothing to do with the lack of love you provide or anything. Grandmas are special, different from moms.
Everyone has given you such good suggestions, hopefully one of them should work !
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Rbdans, you can kill yourself with guilt and provide her attention with every moment you can spare. But according to D, it is still not 100%, like it was a few months back. Soon will come a phase when the Dlittle will also contribute to the drama by playing with your guilt. Your life is fairly simple now, so enjoy it.
D is just manipulating you. Chula does the same, when she is getting it from me, she suddenly screams for some one else. When we had returned from India, it was always, ‘I want to go to thatha, patti, P chithi’. Couple of weeks back it was ‘I want to go away to Bostol(Boston) to be with P chithi. I don’t want you, go away’.(P chithi recently visited us and showered her with unconditional love thats is why).All this didn’t bother me. But for the past week it is ‘I want to go home’. When I tell her she is at home, she says, ‘No. School is my home. I want to be with M(her day care provider) mommy’ and that REALLY gets me. So if I come crying, kicking and screaming with a post about me hitting Chula…the reason I hit her must be because she called M her mommy and the day care her home.
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Did another post as the comments got too long..
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