Jun 02 2008
Consistency is key to success
Sameer Mishra, a 13 year old Indian American from Indiana wins the Spelling Bee competition this year. His winning word was ‘Guerdon’, which means ’something that one has earned or gained’. The second place went to another 12 year old Indian American, Sidharth Chand from Michigan.
What intrigued me to write this post is not that an Indian won the competition, but how hard work eventually paid off. How much endurance this kid and his family must have, to stay put, to try over and over again. This was his 4th attempt, his sister Shruti has made 3 attempts earlier. Consistency and endurance is key to success, I think.
Incidentally, following the spelling bee, was aired the 20-20 series. The topic of discussion being how far a parent would go to help their kids realize their dreams. Or live their dream through their child perhaps! This one parent proudly states that his son is the first teen paparazzi! Beats me! This kid gets beaten up every now and then, he is squished in between 6 footers, sometimes even used as a bait to lurve the celebrities and get to the front. The interesting point to note is that the father drives him to the destination, and watches movies in his car’s built-in dvd player, while the kid is apparently enjoying getting beaten up, to get a glimpse of Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. Why? Because it’s the 15 year old kid’s dream to be a photographer, to be a famous, and the kid wants to get there at any cost. The father is just helping him get there. Am I being judgemental here?
Just when I was watching this and murmuring, My God, these parents! Where will they draw the line?, The LH walks in and says – So Sameer won huh? D adds her 2 cents, Papa, one Uncle gave that yellow dress bhaiyya an instrument aka trophy. The LH takes D in his arms, shakes her gently and says, I love this.. love this.. D, D, D please please, my daughter.. take a good look. Just once, I want you up there on that stage! Spelling Bee and a marathon is all I ask, and you’ll make me a proud father. Even yesterday evening the dinner time talk the father and daughter were having was about running a Boston marathon together. This 3 year old girl also goes with the flow, without have the faintest clue of what a marathon is.
Hello!!! Was I just talking about other parents pushing their kids beyond the fine line? She is a 3 year old, thinks that trophy is a musical instrument. Lets talk about being judgemental!
Now, the news within the home territory! D’s maama and maami are visiting us from the east coast. They’ll be here on Thursday. Lots planned from Thursday to Sunday. The parents in the DD household are contemplating giving the maama and maami exclusive privilege to spend one on one time with the 2 bees, while the parent’s can go out to watch a movie in big screen.
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First, what are you doing posting at this time?
I happened to be chatting with a mutual friend as I was watching the bee and I was telling her, ‘Before the bee didn’t have this much publicity. But now look at this, getting prime time slot. It is nice in a way that it inspires children. But I am really scared for the kids of pushy parents’.
Anyways….
Do mama and mami know about the ‘one-on-one-qualit-time-with-the-kids’ plan? May be this will inspire them to have a couple of bees of their own!
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I only heard it on the radio. I don’t think I can be pushy. Sometimes I think I let Chip grow like a weed! oh well. Enjoy your movie date! What do you plan to see?
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I know I’m not against being-pushy business but there are times when you have to. I wonder if this little boy had achieved what he has without his parents being pushy about it.
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Saw it on the news. I’ve noticed that immigrant parents – Indians, Chinese et all, are more pushy where kids and their education are concerned. May be, it stems from a feeling of insecurity and wanting their kids to do well in life. Again, back home in India, parents outdo each other in trying to ensure their children excel academically – mostly because it’s very competitive out there. While I agree that being pushy often gets a child to achieve more than he would otherwise, I still don’t like it because I prefer kids to be kids and to enjoy their childhood while they can. It can be tempting to a parent though because we see children as an extension of ourselves and often fall into the trap of trying to live vicariously through them, even at the cost of stressing them out and denying them the simple pleasures of childhood.
And have fun on the movie date
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utbt: You know what Dlittle does to wake me up at 3:00.. I can’t write all that here
. As ~nm says, a little we need to push. Just enough for them to try to new things and explore possibilities. But pushing for competition, or to live our dream through them, crossing limits just to win is what scares me. I am not the pushing kind, but the LH can get pushy some times.
Me and the LH have to converge on one title to watch. I like Govinda kind of mindless comedy and the LH likes abstract, documentary types. Lets see.
DotThoughts: LOL! I don’t believe in being pushy, maybe a little, just enough to try out new things. Some kids do it naturally, when they see parents living that life.
As for the movie date, my brother and SIL were forced to read this post as I couldn’t tell them straight faced
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~nm: Same thought here. But, in Sameer’s case, if the parent had pushed him to get there. Then, it’s good that he won. What if he hadn’t? What would happen to that little child’s confidence. Thats scary, no?
Mystic Margarita: You said it. Kids should be kids and enjoy their life. So aptly put, that we see children as our extension and often times we use them to live the life we have wanted to.
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My two cents – When kids are really small – until they really understand the concepts of competition, winning and losing – don’t push them into anything – introduce the concepts – tell them ah you came first, good job etc. Once they understand the concept, push your kids to everything that you think they will love/enjoy – not just one thing that you think is best for them. They need to figure out what they love and wish to do. — Often, when my son doesn’t try a new food I offer, be it whipped cream or broccoli I tell him – “try it once and then if you really hate it I won’t force it on you. But try once.” Of course with foods, sometimes days later I try to introduce the new food again.
At the same time, you need to teach them that it’s ok to fail, to fall and be bruised and sometimes to admit defeat. To get back on and learn from mistakes – along the way, kids will learn if they love swimming over biking, singing over guitar practice etc. Of course, it your job as a parent and friend to tell them if they really suck at it (American Idol tryouts – how come parents and friends just cannot tell their kids that they are making a fool of themselves, I don’t know).
Over time support their endeavors, not be pushy – support them. If its affecting their life (your photographer example) talk to them, maybe they can be a fashion photographer instead of a paparazzi!
Sorry my two cents has become a post in itself! Hope you have a great weekend.
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Yay… a night out … cool!!!!
I have a raging battle in my own head about this parenting strategy.. while I believe that kids should be given independence to choose their life, I cant help thinking that a little push here and there might actually do them good. I dont know I keep contradicting myself all the time.. do I really break it to my son that a lawyer and doctor make a lot more money than the fire fighter he wants to be? But then he is 3.. so maybe I will wait a while longer and let him bask in his dreams about a perfect career of a nascar driver/ fire fighter!!
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I don’t know but I believe that we should not burden the kids with our expectations but should encourage them for achieving what they really wish for
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DDMom.: write to me at doiwrite@gmail.com and I will help you with your request
I mean whatever I can. 
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well i come from a family where we were just never pushed! would i have achieved more and studied better if my parents were pushy? maybe! But my brother did the whole nine yards and has been achiever wo being pushed either!
i guess theres only as much you can push a child before it gets too much for them. So you really need to know where to stop! i think its ridiculous when kids are taught that coming first is what matters in life and thats what your aim should be. do we really want our kids to have such a single minded vision of future which has no place for play or imagination?
i dont think so!
lovely post!
cheers!
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To be honest I ever got this spelling bee craze. What good does it do to know the spellings of all these complicated words, when spell check is there?
LOL. I’m a lazy mom I know, so if my kids do anything it will be on their steam. Me? I just plan to be there to say “You go!” and then I’ll recede to the background. Now the hubby? He’s the one dreaming of Serena-Venus and all that !
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I think parents have to tread a very fine line. A push, in my opinion, is essential. Knowing where to stop is the hard part. And knowing where to push is the hardest. I often wonder what would have happened to Sachin Tendulkar had his parents pushed him to study harder rather than ‘wasting’ time on street side cricket.
Okay, in fact I have a question here. Say I notice that my son has a keen interest and aptitude for dramatics. And is good at academics but I know with effort and a little push can do much better. Now where do I ask him to concentrate his efforts and energy considering that there are innumerable struggling actors, only a selected few make it big where as solid academics is sure to get him a decent job which are aplenty and financial stability.
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Moderation is the key – but when it comes to our own child, its hard to know where and when to stop – there’s a fine line between encouraging and pushing. I am always confused about it and just go by my gut feeling praying and hoping that I haven’t pushed them too hard or too little…
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hmmm… I know for sure I push my girls too. I feel that to some extent it is required in todays world, since the kids have too much of diversion. Some parents are plain lucky that they have ambitious kids. For others, we need to help them build their ambition after ofcourse identifying what they have an aptitude for. I will certainly not thrust my dreams on them. I would rather help them nurture their own!
Nice food for thought!
And hope you are enjoying the movie
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thts really true…but parents some times push their kids too much and forget that u achieve something great we[children] must be self motivated!!..:)…
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K3: I say the exact same thing to D when it come to trying new food. Thanks for the wise and long comment. Every word makes sense.
Preethi: Am sure the fire fighter fascination will go away as he grows older and gets exposed to the complexities of life. I agree that a little push is needed atleast till their old enough to make their own decisions.
Swati: True. But some kids don’t have the tendency to try new things. A little push might not hurt, I think.
Abha: You said it. Knowing where to stop is the key. And accepting that our kid’s interest may or may not be in line with ours is in the best interest of both the kid and the parent.
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Neera: Pushing based on the inclination and aptitude of the child, knowing where to stop is the key. Tendulkar made it , what about the umpteen kids who did not?
As for the question, my personal opinion is to judge how passionate they are and if they have a natural talent in that regards. I think any job done where there is no passion will not be satisfying. It might work in the short run, but will only add to stress in the long run. Financial stability is very perspective, I think. There is only so much money you need to live a comfortable life, am sure our kids will manage that no matter what they wish to do.
Poppins: LOL on spell check. I like the competition because it is more than mugging, you learn the origin of the word, how the word is constructed based on the origin and so on. So, the hubby is dreaming of poppin being the Venus sisters, huh? Going by that, the second one’s gonna be a girl
2Bs Mommy: Yes, moderation is the key. Gut feeling it is.
WIAN: As many others have pointed out and I completely agree – A little push is needed, we just need to know where to stop. Also, be willing to accept if the kid shows no interest after few trials.
Brocas Area: Welcome here. It’s good to hear from the other side. As you say, the kids must be self motivated. But it is also needed that parents expose them to the many options available and then see where their interests lie. I am talking about very young kids, who are not old enough to make their own decisions. Thanks for the comment.
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Nice blog you have here. Can;t agree more with the comments, we gotto push in moderation for the kids to explore the various possibilities. Hope pray we know where to stop.
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This is one of the challenges that comes with having a smart kid…where to draw the line? How far is pushing too far ? One thing I am very particular about is that my kid should never miss out the basic funs of childhod at the cost of going behind something rigourously.
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Reva: Welcome here!
Dee: So true. Balance it is.
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