My 12 year old niece sends me a message on skype asking me to sign up on Toondoo. When I ask her what this site is about, she says it’s a social networking site to create, share and discus comic strips. Create? Share? Discuss? At 12 years of age? I was tempted to lecture her on how dangerous the internet is.. and that she should not be signing up anywhere and everywhere.. Even before I could collect my thoughts, she points to few other sites. One that I remember is Doof, which apparently she and my nephew, who is of the same age, use to play chess from 2 different laptops and 2 different physical locations. They call it a social gaming site.

I took one look at Toondoo and must say I was mighty impressed. Though I am still not sure it is appropriate for a 12 year old, as they don’t seem to have any screening on the content published. The cartoon creator interface is very intuitive. I let D sit on the Create Your Own Cartoon interface for few minutes, was taken aback to see how the kids mind works. Within few minutes, she was dragging the images into the work area. Which created the background. She then dragged 2 humans and a monster-lookalike-something into the work area. She even had a story to tell. I resentfully refuse to go into further details..

Not too long ago, I had written a post on my daughters fascination with laptop. I must have become more tolerant and more accepting since then. I have come to accept that internet is going to be an intrinsic part of our life. Especially with families like ours, where we cannot draw a clear line on working hours. And work involves internet. More realistic approach is to let them use the internet for a certain fixed time and supervise every move of theirs. So, now she gets limited laptop time on weekends and some weekdays. I show her on the clock the time upto which she can work and I sit besides her. One day, while she was painting, Firefox crashed. She immediately clicks on the icon from the dock. The default yahoo.com opens up and the owl eyed spots an advertisement on beaches and giggles - Aunty is nangu! Another time when the browser crashed, she throws her hand up in the air and says - Laptop says times up!

D is way too young to use the internet by herself and not going to get access to any social networking site before she can spell and write Massachusetts. But, here are few tips that might be of help to parents of older kids.

- Social networking sites are much more dangerous. They let you connect with unknown others in one click, there is no accountability to what you write. Or so one might think, unless you get into trouble.

- Avoid using real names and any other details that are are give aways of residing location. Atleast until kids are of a certain age and are emotionally capable of handling trolling. Here is a good read on trolling and flaming, the link we sent to my 19 year old niece who is new and naive to the blogging world.

- Lead them to age appropriate sites and supervise every single site they visit. The biggest problem with these sites are advertisements and cross sells. That’s their ticket to monetization, no qualms on that front. But the advertisement are not always age appropriate.

- Question them on why a certain site interests them.

- Do a quick check on the site if it safe and falls under your standard of acceptable safety.

- Look at the About page. See if it is supported/backed by an established company. Established companies hire “community managers” whose sole role is to keep data clean and appropriate.

- Do a quick google search to see what everyone else says about the site. Make sure there is no negative reporting.

! E-Ticket in hand ! ! Household sale bohni this Saturday !

No matter from which angle I look at it, zoom in, zoom out, flip or rotate. It speaks out loud, it is very much a non-refundable, non-transferable ONE-WAY ticket! Don’t get me wrong, I am super excited and looking forward to the move, to the new beginning. But still, there is a hidden angst to let go. It’s that feeling of realness, the sense of no turning back. It’s happening! It’s really happening!!

It’s such an experience to watch my daughter go through this process and to see her interpretation of the move at various stages. I don’t think the scope of moving-to-India has registered to her yet. She was a year old when we made our last trip. She hardly remembers anything from then. Few east coast trips after that have led her to the understanding that we will be back home in few days.

We started the selling process this past weekend. We moved some furnitures downstairs, close to the entrance, just to save the lookers from coming deep inside the house. My daughter asks the question, just as anticipated. Why mumma? Mumma is a good story teller, she can churn answers even in sleep. But to give an answer that is convincing in the first go, and one that does not provoke further questions is a whole different ball game. This time she was prepared and had rehearsed the answer. D, we can only take some suitcases in the plane. Plane does not have space for big items and furnitures. Anything that won’t fit into the suitcases has to be given away. She seemed a bit alarmed and says - Only table, chair, bed, shelf? Right mumma? Not my toys and my bo-oo-oks? You are right beta, I tell her.

So, this American dude walks in to take a look at the dresser I advertised on craigslist. In spite of detailing every possible dimension with pictures in the advertisement, he walks in, takes a look and says its too narrow for his room. What can I say, in that one hour that the empty dresser had been lying downstairs, D had managed to sneak in some of her toys. Maybe the dude got ticked off. My little one who had been observing all along pops with yet another question Why Uncle did not take? He did not like it beta. Another uncle will be here in few minutes, he might take it. Okay, I tell her.
This monster screams at the top of her voice at this man, who is now few feet away - Why are you not taking it? We are going to India. This will not fit into our plane!! Then I cannot even go to India! It is amazing to see how these little minds work and how they connect the dots. Furniture not selling + No space in plane == Cannot go to India.

Shortly another person walked in, loved the dresser, paid the list price and took it. To which D exclaims with extreme happiness and relief This uncle was good uncle. That man was bad boy!

And thus happened the bohni on Saturday.

That very same afternoon, a family with 2 kids came by to pick up the guest twin captain’s bed. While the lady’s husband was busy dismantling the bed to be loaded into his van, the resident chatterbox[Yes, I have lost the title to my daughter] strikes a conversation with the lady. First she asks her name. Then she tells her - You are taking my bed because the boys don’t have any bed to sleep on?
My face was worth a photo shoot, I tell ya.

This past week or so, no soul on the street has been spared from the information that we are moving to India. We had a chat, me and the daughter.
Me: D, you should not tell everybody that we going to India.
D: Why mumma?
Me: Because, some things we can only tell to friends. Mummy and papa’s friends are those uncles and Aunties that come inside our house, talk to papa and mummy for a long time. Other people you see on the street, say hi and smile, are strangers. Should not tell anything to them beyond Hi. Especially when mummy and papa are not around.
D: Oh! You are right mumma! I can tell the Aunty who took my bed. She was inside the house and talking to mummy and paapa for a very long time, right mumma!!

Lesson learned! Things you don’t want the whole world to know, keep it low-key in the house. Contain the excitement to self and spare the little bees from serious calculation of what to say and what not to say!

Sameer Mishra, a 13 year old Indian American from Indiana wins the Spelling Bee competition this year. His winning word was ‘Guerdon’, which means ’something that one has earned or gained’. The second place went to another 12 year old Indian American, Sidharth Chand from Michigan.


What intrigued me to write this post is not that an Indian won the competition, but how hard work eventually paid off. How much endurance this kid and his family must have, to stay put, to try over and over again. This was his 4th attempt, his sister Shruti has made 3 attempts earlier. Consistency and endurance is key to success, I think.


Incidentally, following the spelling bee, was aired the 20-20 series. The topic of discussion being how far a parent would go to help their kids realize their dreams. Or live their dream through their child perhaps! This one parent proudly states that his son is the first teen paparazzi! Beats me! This kid gets beaten up every now and then, he is squished in between 6 footers, sometimes even used as a bait to lurve the celebrities and get to the front. The interesting point to note is that the father drives him to the destination, and watches movies in his car’s built-in dvd player, while the kid is apparently enjoying getting beaten up, to get a glimpse of Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. Why? Because it’s the 15 year old kid’s dream to be a photographer, to be a famous, and the kid wants to get there at any cost. The father is just helping him get there. Am I being judgemental here?
Just when I was watching this and murmuring, My God, these parents! Where will they draw the line?, The LH walks in and says - So Sameer won huh? D adds her 2 cents, Papa, one Uncle gave that yellow dress bhaiyya an instrument aka trophy. The LH takes D in his arms, shakes her gently and says, I love this.. love this.. D, D, D please please, my daughter.. take a good look. Just once, I want you up there on that stage! Spelling Bee and a marathon is all I ask, and you’ll make me a proud father. Even yesterday evening the dinner time talk the father and daughter were having was about running a Boston marathon together. This 3 year old girl also goes with the flow, without have the faintest clue of what a marathon is.
Hello!!! Was I just talking about other parents pushing their kids beyond the fine line? She is a 3 year old, thinks that trophy is a musical instrument. Lets talk about being judgemental!


Now, the news within the home territory! D’s maama and maami are visiting us from the east coast. They’ll be here on Thursday. Lots planned from Thursday to Sunday. The parents in the DD household are contemplating giving the maama and maami exclusive privilege to spend one on one time with the 2 bees, while the parent’s can go out to watch a movie in big screen.

We often stop by the park on the way back from D’s school. The kids enjoy and it’s a lot easier to get the evening fruit down their throat. D is happily running around, Dlittle walks cluelessly here and there, looking out for anything interesting on the ground that can make way to the taste buds, if only the mother let it be.


Amongst few kids that were present in the park that day, there was this hindi speaking family. The mother, father, a boy and a girl. The boy was in the 7 - 10 age group and the girl was probably 4 - 5 years old. D has a liking for older kids, I think most kids of her age do. She is constantly watching these kids and simulating them. As soon as these siblings were done with the monkey bars, she ran towards them. I am sitting right behind her feeding Dlittle some yogurt. In just about a minute, the siblings come right back to the monkey bars, the boy on one side, the girl on the other and squeeze D from both ends. This is one of those small monkey bars for younger kids. About 2 feet long and 4 feet high. I am glancing, tempted to walk up there to lecture. The kids parents are watching too, but did not utter a single word. D wiggles this side and that side for few seconds and walks towards me with a frown. I am furious by now. More than those kids, at their parents and at D.
I sat her down, stopped feeding Dlittle and had a chat. I told her that next time someone barges into you like this, you tell them politely - I am not done yet. Please wait for your turn. I told it loud enough for the kids and their parents to hear me. It is so unlike me, only I know how much guts I had to gather. To speak out loud enough, to be audible to the parents and the sibling. But, I had to do it. I don’t believe in teaching my kids anything, that I am not willing to do/learn myself. D replies - Mumma, but that bhaiyya is too big and he was pushing me harder. He is a bad boy. She had a point. There isn’t much you can do when a 7 year old and a 4 year old are pushing you from both ends. After some thought I told her, You are right that he is a big boy. But, if you had told them it’s your turn, they might have walked out. You did not even talk. Tell politely once. If they don’t go away, look into their eyes and tell a little louder. If they still push you after that, you walk out. Deal?. Yes Mumma, she says in a pretty stern voice, making me all proud. I could feel from her voice and her gesture that she felt powerful. As though she knew what she had to do the next time. All this while, the siblings are still playing and parents are happily cheering them as though nothing had happened.


I am not complaining. This is real world. We can mold ourselves to the best we believe in, but we cannot expect everyone around us to do the same. To be nice. Nice and humble are very relative terms, it depends on one’s threshold, I would think. Anyways, won’t digress. My kids need to learn to deal with different kinds of people around. We cannot alway provide them with a protective sphere to live in. Letting them deal with situations like these by themselves with a little help boosts their self confidence. I will wait and watch what she does the next time around..

Like every other week day, I put Dlittle in the car seat and drove to D’s school to pick her up. I think it was a Thursday, not too sure. D hadn’t eaten lunch properly 2 out of the previous days. I was at the peak of anger, talking to myself while driving. That, this is the end of my patience, her lunch box better be empty or atleast half done, else today would be her last day of pre-schooling. She can stay home and go to school when she hits 5. You know, its like this. When you have tried various methods to get a job done and fail miserably one attempt after another, it is very difficult to articulate. Enough is enough, I just couldn’t take it no more. Deep down I knew I wasn’t going to take this drastic step, though the thought seemed to satisfy the failing mind at that moment.

I reach her school, first thing I do is feel her lunch box. The weight, I mean. Sure, it was HEAVY! Even before it registered to the mind that I was still within the school and not in the comfort of my own house, I yelled at her - D, you did not eat lunch again today? Looks like you did not eat snack either? I mellowed down the very next minute, outwardly that is. Inside I was fuming with anger. So much that I kept quiet, walked back to the car and drove back home.

We reached home, I still did not talk anything, neither did D. She knew I was not happy, also no energy left in her as there had been no intake the whole day. At the least, that is what I thought. I got out of the car to unbuckle her and was shocked to see she was not belted. My daughter’s not eating lunch leading to weight loss upsets me on one end, the other end I forget to put her seat belt. I was shocked, but in that grumpy mood all I could manage was yet another session of yelling. Why did you not tell me to put your seat belt.

My eyes were all teary while we stepped into the house. D came close, hugged me and said - I am sorry mumma. Don’t be sad. I will eat tomorrow. This girl knows how to play me, she definitely does. Still, that was enough for the weeks pent up anger to melt like butter in less than a minute. I hugged her tight and asked her in a very low and loving tone, Why did you not eat sweetu? She said, D’s mommy got pizza, I ate that. I am not sure how much of that is true, but for that day we mushed up and she ate her dinner without making any fuss.


The next day while driving her to school, I am telling to myself, never again I will do this. Its way too dangerous. What if I forget to put the seat belt on little D! God! I started talking to D,

Me: Hey D, you know yesterday I forgot to put your seat belt.
D: Yes, mumma.
Me: Sorry beta, mummy was very sad. You know why, because you did not finish your lunch na. Thats why. I was so sad and angry thats I forgot to put your seat belt cweetu…
D: Thats ok mumma. Its okaiy.
Me: [hmm.. She is a big girl now]..
Me: Hey, maybe next time I forget to put it, you can tell me - mumma, you forgot my seat belt. ok?
D: okaiy.

Just then it struck, why not make this a game, something fun, something that will make her tell it out loud in case I ever forget again. That evening when I picked her up, purposefully did not put the belt. I came to the drivers seat, started the car and exclaimed in a shocking tone:

Me: Oh my goodness, D! Guess what happened.
D: What happened?
Me: I forgot to put your seat belt, betu. Thats not good.. Thats not good..
D: yes mumma. You forgot. Oh my goodness, mumma.
Me: hmm.. You can get hurt when you are not belted. Thats why I wear it, Dlittle wears it, everyone in the car wears it. Next time if I forget, you tell me ok?
D: okaiy.

Some days I belt her, come to the drivers seat and start asking

Me: Is my daughter wearing seat belt?
D: Yes, mumma.
Me: Are my two two daughters wearing seat belt?
D: Yes, mumma. Both both your daughters are wearing seat belt.
Me: The big girl and the small girl? Are you sure?
D: Yes.

Few times into doing this, it was that day for me to purposefully forgot to belt her.
Even before I started the car, my little one exclaimed, just as I wished,
Oh, you forgot my seat belt, Mumma! Not good, Mumma!

Kids are getting tech savvy at very early age and the average age of electronics usage has declined from 8.1 to 6.7% in the last 2 years.

“Kids are drawn to the latest and greatest digital devices just as their parents are,” said Anita Frazier, industry analyst, The NPD Group. “They appear to have no fear of technology and adopt it easily and without fanfare, making these devices a part of their everyday lives.”

Talking about computers in particular, I wonder if it Is because we parents have taken the laptop to the living room. No matter what our underlying profession is, computers and internet have become an integral part of one’s life. Especially in the Western world. Work communicates via emails, word documents, excel spreadsheets, ppts. Friends prefer talking to each others via emails / google talks/ IM’s as they are more flexible and fit into their time pressed schedules. Leave alone friends, grand parents who are 60+ are internet savvy these days. A decent lot knows to email, start their web cam lusting to see their kids/grand kids, download pictures and what not. And the ever growing communities, social networking, blogging sites add spice. Its all not bad. It bridges the physical distance, long distance does not seem to hit as much, as we get to know each others whereabouts every so often. Add to it a visual moving video, the physical distance shrinks, though we might live in opposite ends of the globe. Day to day life has become more productive and efficient. Husband might have an hours time in between 2 customer meetings, asks the wife if he can finish up the weekend grocery. By the time husband reaches the grocery store, wife has made an extensive list and emailed him, which the husband looks up in his blackberry.

That said, there a conflict of interest to me, when I put kids into picture. Traces of which I am starting to see in my own household, my daughter’s[almost 3 years] growing addiction to computers. She is ready to give up her favorite candy for few minutes on the laptop. Her attraction towards laptop is understandable though undesirable at this age. It is similar to the much hated colorful TV, just much more worse and intense as it is interactive and gives them a sense of freedom and control. She is not to be blamed, its the exposure. She grew up seeing both her parents with their laptop or the blackberry almost all the time. Not that the parents are addicted or anything of that sort, its just our work. We have a turn around time of 4 hours to our customers 24 x 7. Agreed, not every other family is in our shoes, where laptop and internet are not gadgets, they are our bread and butter. But I also think I am not too far fetched to assume kids in other households are exposed to a good extent. Also, we are starting to see more and more of us taking work back home OR just working from home OR working late nights if you are involved with offshore development…

What triggered me to write this post is this
My daughter wanted to play Dora adventures. There are a few others she likes, like the barney, fisher price, pbskids.org , Thomas Train, though Dora and this princess thingee are her latest fascination. The entry into the Dora game is by typing your name. She knows to verbally spell her name and can recognise all the alphabets and letters. The surprise element was when she clicked on the input box and typed her name, all by herself. It doesn’t end here. She mixed up 2 letters from her name. I was looking from behind and told her letter x needs to come before y. She hit the delete button without even looking at the keyboard and corrected it !
She can navigate the sites effortlessly. Switching from listening to music, to picking the game she wants to play, going back and choosing another game if she does not like the one she is playing with.

Another incident which left me thinking. I type Dora OR Thomas train in the google search tool bar. The search result page appears and the intended site is the very first result. She has watched me do this a few times now. This past Saturday, she wanted to do online coloring of Thomas train. It was not laptop time [I am pretty strict about this, though husband lets her get away with it once in a while] , we were getting ready for lunch. I told her just that. However, laptop was in the living room center table. Husband was lounging behind her playing with our little 4 month old. She couldn’t resist reaching to the laptop as I was not in the vicinity and husband got curious to see her in action. This is what he notices. She types few alphabets on the google search tool bar, hits enter. It sure takes her to the google search page. She clicks on the first link and it takes her to some web site. She speaks aloud she did wrong-wrong. Hits the browser back button. clicks on the google search tool bar. Deletes the previously entered alphabets, enters a new set of random alphabets, hits Enter again. Gets to the search page again and clicks on the first link. Then claims the laptop is tottooed (broken). Its not working.
She leaves us flabbergasted with the way she uses the laptop’s inbuilt mouse. The hand co-ordination. With one finger on the click button, aother on the touch pad , how comfortably she can drag an object from the left/right panels into the working area. How she knows she has to click on the arrows to get more options OR that there is a tab on the top that will take her to different views.

All this when computers[and TV] are restricted[to her] in my household. She gets about 20 minutes in the morning and about 15 minutes in the evening any given typical day. Though on the weekends she does manage to get few additional minutes.

No, no she is no Einstein, neither are we grooming her to be one. Nor am I claiming I am happy about all this. In fact its my worry that she will lose out on the traditional methods of learning, In addition to health concerns of reduced physical activity, over stimulation and vision issues. She does her paper/pen drawing sketching activities in school and in house too. But the glow and the excitement is not remotely comparable with when she does the same with computers. She loves art, drawing, sketching. But only on the computer. She knows to write few alphabets, A, T , H the ones with straight lines and shows no interest in writing other alphabets, but she can type in anything on the keyboard. Its the exposure. And the attractiveness of today’s sophisticated softwares. The combination of bold colors, big fonts and sound.
At the same time, we don’t want to completely restrict her either. Very soon cyber world will become more of a necessity rather than a conscious choice.
She is only 3 years old, so its not a matter of concern right now, OR is it?. As long as we are able to restrict the time she spends in front of one. But, how long?

Just thoughts and questions, no answers at this point…

Started this post few days back in response to noon’s post.

—–
Thursday night: 10:30 PM
Just yesterday night I posted about the two sisters, how much joy they bring in my life and how I could watch them for hours with a smile. The joy part still holds good, but as of today I am not sure about the sitting and watching them for hours.

This is how today unfolded:
H tells me a day before that he has to meet a client early morning 8:30AM, so he would drop D in the day care at 7:30AM. Yeah right, as though the care taker has been waiting to receive D and her father at 7:30 in the morning. I am left with 3 options, keep D at home, drive and drop D at day care, ask a friend to drop her. Option 1 was ruled out as I hardly slept 10-15 minutes yesterday, since Dlittle has been spitting up every now and then. I spent most of yesterday night sitting in the glider holding her and rocking her after each feed. I did dose off few times, but then the overloaded brain of mine would panick and wake me up sending signals that I would drop Dlittle off my arms. Option 3 was also ruled out as I was enraged with H, and I was not going to call anybody for H’s fault. Why could he not schedule his meeting from 10 - 4? He questions me back ‘Is it easy for me to ask VP marketing, VP community services to change their calender to suit mine OR I adjust with their preplanned meeting?’ Why do I care, they are VP of their company. I am the boss in my household. Yeah yeah, keep thinking. Ended up driving and dropping D in the day care, popping my eye balls out making sure I don’t pass out.

By the time I came home, it was time for Dlittles bath. While giving her an oil massage, noticed a lump in her left breast. Freaky me, inspite of mom convincing me thats its pretty normal, called up the doc and took the next available appointment. Helped mom to set a quick lunch, ate in a record time of 2 minutes, packed the diaper bag, nursed Dlittle and left to the hospital. Meanwhile H called that his meeting was over and he would drive us to the hosp. The train which H took conviniently got late. So, here I am, driving again to the hosp which is 10 miles away.

Reached the hosp, thanks to on-demand feeding, Dlittle is opening her mouth in the air hoping for milk. I am sitting in the lobby debating if I should nurse her there Or wait till I get to the doc’s room. Felt as though everybody sitting around had no other business other than watching me. Thankfully doc called us in and saved me from my juggling thoughts. Doc checks her and says its normal and will dry out in few days. With a sigh of relief, carefully avoiding my moms twisted looks we reach home around 4:00 in the afternoon. By this time, I have a headache.

H had reached home by then and dosed off in the couch in the living room. He had not slept well the previous night and woke up early morning to attend this meeting. I felt sorry for him and requested, rather demanded mom to make tea. The flood of love lasted only couple of minutes, when H says he has to meet another client at 6 in the evening. Without uttering a word, tears rolled in my eyes. Its not that me and mom cannot handle D and Dlittle, I just wanted to sleep for sometime and mom cannot handle both by herself.

D comes home, I am a bit irritated and trying not to show it on her. Dlittle sleeping in the stroller and mom’s sitting on the couch. I head to the kitchen to grab a snack for D. Hear a thud sound and ran back anxiously to find the stroller upside down with D standing near it a pale face. The last straw broke the camel’s back and I spanked D on her butt. Luckily, mom had picked Dlittle up a minute back, and this little big monster sissy was trying to grab the blanket from inside the stroller so that the little sister would not feel cold. As she could not reach it, she was climbing on top and toppled it. Was feeling bad that I was taking my days edge on her, but then it was needed for her to know that she cannot do it again.

Boy, just putting these emotions into words and venting out makes me feel so much lighter. Why am I blogging and not sleeping right now? Waiting for the next feed which is in about 1/2 hour. And I desperately want to do something other than babies for a little while.

The little one’s cooing again, am going to finish off the cow-ing duty and head to sleep. Will continue later.

Saturday: 11:15 pm
I am in a joyful mood today. Maybe because H got me a Iphone? No, really bcoz I got a good sleep last couple of nights, Such good sleep that I might have missed a feed Or 2. On Thursday, after the late night feed, asked H to hold Dlittle and work as I could not control my eyelids closing any more and Dlittle was spitting. I set the alarm for 1:30AM and dosed off. I hear the alarm ring, woke up, nursed her, burped her, changed her diaper and put her down. Cooing of my baby girl woke me up again around 3:00AM, H shakes me and asks me to feed her even before I could manage to lift myself up. I told him she can go another hour as I just nursed her at 1:30. H swears I did not feed her at 1:30 as he was holding her up until 2:30, and I was happily snoring as though there was no tomorrow. Did I do all the nursing and burping in my dream? hmm..

Little ones wake up again… more later.

Monday: 12:15pm
ok, Its high time I publish this post. Today its mixed feeling. D’s day care is closed for the week and H has promised to slow down his work to keep sanity in the house. So far so good.
Responded to just like that’s comment, at that moment H was in a 15 minute meeting and wanted all of us to stay quiet for few mins. To keep D occupied, I took her to the backyard, gave her the jhaadoo(broomstick) and asked her to clean while I could catch up on the blogs. She jhadooded me as I was dirty, duh. hey, this reminds me of something that happened on Saturday. H was talking to his client and D was sleeping. Me and mom were watching Indian Idol in another room, so we had closed the door slightly to keep the noise. H kept his door open as the monster was sleeping. D wakes up, runs to his room and screams, papa, potty’s coming. Put the light.

Todays feeling - I am one of the lucky person in the world with 2 beautiful daughters, a loving husband and a supporting family. What more can I ask for?