September 2007:

February 2010:

Back in January, we had a parent-teacher meeting at D’s school. The meeting was organized in to 15 minute slots. The teacher -K, was talking to this parent, while I was waiting for my turn. K was telling this parent that their daughter was an all-rounder. That there isn’t a single change she wants in her, she is just a perfect little sweet kid.


My turn comes. After apologies for not sending D to school half the time, thanks to allergic bronchitis, we sat down with her record. K said there isn’t much she has to say as D had hardly attended 15 days of school by then. She did say that D is a very quick learner and even if she is absent for 2-3 days, she picks up very quickly. She is very curious, vocal, assertive and does whatever it takes to get her job done. So she wouldn’t worry much about her missing school. Her health comes first. I was pretty happy with her comments.


Coming to the title of this post. While I am still in conversation with K, this parent who had just finished with her meeting, the parent of the all-rounder child. She barges in without asking for an excuse to affirm with the teacher – K, just wanted to ask again.
My daughter is the best in the class no?


It took me few seconds to come to terms what I heard. The confirmation came from the very embarrassed K’s transparent face. I mean, what was this parent thinking. How insensitive of her to ask such a question? Out loud in a hardly 15×15 feet room, where 2 other parents are still in the meeting, few parents are waiting for their turn and few are collecting their records and kids and about to leave.


K tells this parent, something along these lines – As I said, your daughter is doing very well and there is nothing more I expect out of her. To which the parent nods her head and leaves with a sense of disappointment. She probably was expecting – Of course yes! K then tells me in a very apologetic tone that D is pretty good also. Only because she has been missing out on school, she has some catching up to do. That D is of the curious kind, wants to know everything around, which leads to a little distraction, which is pretty common with kids her age.


I stopped the teacher right there and told her there is no need to be apologetic. I am not expecting D to be perfect OR the best in the class. As long as she she shows interest and curiosity in learning new things, that will do for me.


I don’t believe in this “best-in-the-class” or “first-in-the-class” theory. You want to compete? Then compete with your own self till you think you are the best for your own standards. That is the bottom line that will provide the much needed confidence and self esteem. I believe in making sure my kid is exposed to a variety of material that’s stimulating enough to invoke curiousness. Good environment, good school, balanced friends circle, books, field trips, puzzles, a good dose of dinner time talks to keep the communication going. That she is adding something into her knowledge kitty everyday, however tiny that might be. That she stays grounded, doesn’t develop attitude and grows into a good human being. And her curiosity is to die for, I know it can be is a little too much to handle at times, but this is an art that is pretty difficult to acquire otherwise.


Provide them with the exposure and stimulation, and they will sure turn out to be the best in their own form, in something that interests them, that they feel passionate about. They are 4, 5 years old’s for God’s sake and there is this pressure to perform the best in class. I totally fail to understand. What does “best in the class” mean anyways?!


All said and done, this is me recording my thoughts as of August 18th, 2009, 11:20PM. How will I react if my child ends up coming last in her class, only time will tell. I had such set firm opinions on few areas of parenting some 5 odd years back, most of them trashed when I got my hands dirty. There’s a lot of learning and de-learning we do as we grow as a parent. Only time will tell how long I will keep up with this promise to myself that I will not compare or pressurize my kids to perform.

D has been down with a stomach flu all weekend. A low-grade fever accompanied by vomiting all Friday, not able to keep even water down. She was back to her usual hyper-ness on Saturday. Today morning, we were all set to pack her off to school, when she complains of stomach ache again. Obvious enough, we decide to keep her home.

She does not like it a bit and the conversation with her papa goes thus:

D: I want to go to school. I want to go to school. School. School..
Papa: beta, tummy is hurting na? Take rest today. You can do painting, you can do your cutting project..
D: I will do big potty. Then tummy won’t hurt.
Mumma: There are some germs inside tummy. It will come out only if you take rest.
D: From long long time ago, I did not ever go to school.
[Right! Friday, her long long time ago, she was restrained from going as she had vomited only 5 times in 2 hours.]
D: Mumma, you talk to doctor Aunty. Then, she will tell you to give me red medicine[Tylenol, that is]. Then, my tummy won’t hurt anymore. And then I can go to school. Please mumma.
[Mumma is already on the phone talking to the advice nurse if it is okay to give tylenol for tummy ache.]
Papa: Listen, D. I will come back from office early today evening. We can go to the Library Or Barnes and Nobles. okay?
D: Thanks for saying that to me, papa. Thanks for taking care of me.

Papa was then found on the floor…

A week to appreciate teacher’s, a day to appreciate mother’s, a blog that says I am nice, another says I am lovable. Appreciate it.

But first, I got to tell dotThoughts, she is worth not $53,585 but a whopping $158,071.20. Yes, all of 6 figures. So says Dane Carlson. I know, I know, if you enter the blog url, it says the worth to be $19,758.90. Assuming one spends an average of one hour blogging a day. Knowing 8 hours make a full working day, It then equates to $158,071.20? So, DotThoughts, give yourself a pat and enjoy your birthday.
And three cheers all mommy blogger’s, next time someone says you are vetti or jobless, please do give them your blog url and ask them to pay a visit here.

[ Cent percent pun intended!! The API is solely based on linking[not who you link to, but who links to your blog], google indexing and how often you update your blog. So, the number it spits is not proportional to the famous quo. Some dude got bored over the weekend and wrote it, me thinks. ]

*****

I had no clue this one week in a calendar year is dedicated to teacher’s appreciation, the week of May 4th – May 10th. Until I saw the monthly news letter from D’s school. We made a nice hand written card with this quote on it.
Teachers are one of the most influential adults in one’s life. A good teacher is a blessing to have. So, heres a toast to all you teachers out there.

*****
Mother’s day, hype or not I don’t know. But I know one thing for sure. I ain’t moving that day. The husband likes it or not, this one day, he is getting hot piping chai right to my bed. Taking care of kids and treating me to a luxurious lunch. While a bunch of us girls are going to watch a movie and buy some stuff for ourselves.

*****

On a more serious note, I stumbled upon Indira Nooyi’s article. Her appreciation for her father’s one piece of advice.

If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed. Your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response. You don’t get defensive. You don’t scream. You are trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying, “Maybe they are saying something to me that I’m not hearing.” So “assume positive intent” has been a huge piece of advice for me.

*****

And since we are on the topic of appreciation, it’s very nice of ~nm to say I am nice. And I am flattered by Swati’s thought that I am a lovable person. Thank you both.

To follow the rule of passing it along, I am passing it to all who visit me regularly. You got to be nice, just for the gesture of taking a moment and acknowledging you were here. Much appreciated!

*****

Lets take a minute and pray for all those who lost their lives and loved ones in Myanmar. And appreciate everything we have, day to day things like food, shelter and life that we take for granted.

!! Have a nice weekend !!

*****

Like every other week day, I put Dlittle in the car seat and drove to D’s school to pick her up. I think it was a Thursday, not too sure. D hadn’t eaten lunch properly 2 out of the previous days. I was at the peak of anger, talking to myself while driving. That, this is the end of my patience, her lunch box better be empty or atleast half done, else today would be her last day of pre-schooling. She can stay home and go to school when she hits 5. You know, its like this. When you have tried various methods to get a job done and fail miserably one attempt after another, it is very difficult to articulate. Enough is enough, I just couldn’t take it no more. Deep down I knew I wasn’t going to take this drastic step, though the thought seemed to satisfy the failing mind at that moment.

I reach her school, first thing I do is feel her lunch box. The weight, I mean. Sure, it was HEAVY! Even before it registered to the mind that I was still within the school and not in the comfort of my own house, I yelled at her – D, you did not eat lunch again today? Looks like you did not eat snack either? I mellowed down the very next minute, outwardly that is. Inside I was fuming with anger. So much that I kept quiet, walked back to the car and drove back home.

We reached home, I still did not talk anything, neither did D. She knew I was not happy, also no energy left in her as there had been no intake the whole day. At the least, that is what I thought. I got out of the car to unbuckle her and was shocked to see she was not belted. My daughter’s not eating lunch leading to weight loss upsets me on one end, the other end I forget to put her seat belt. I was shocked, but in that grumpy mood all I could manage was yet another session of yelling. Why did you not tell me to put your seat belt.

My eyes were all teary while we stepped into the house. D came close, hugged me and said – I am sorry mumma. Don’t be sad. I will eat tomorrow. This girl knows how to play me, she definitely does. Still, that was enough for the weeks pent up anger to melt like butter in less than a minute. I hugged her tight and asked her in a very low and loving tone, Why did you not eat sweetu? She said, D’s mommy got pizza, I ate that. I am not sure how much of that is true, but for that day we mushed up and she ate her dinner without making any fuss.


The next day while driving her to school, I am telling to myself, never again I will do this. Its way too dangerous. What if I forget to put the seat belt on little D! God! I started talking to D,

Me: Hey D, you know yesterday I forgot to put your seat belt.
D: Yes, mumma.
Me: Sorry beta, mummy was very sad. You know why, because you did not finish your lunch na. Thats why. I was so sad and angry thats I forgot to put your seat belt cweetu…
D: Thats ok mumma. Its okaiy.
Me: [hmm.. She is a big girl now]..
Me: Hey, maybe next time I forget to put it, you can tell me – mumma, you forgot my seat belt. ok?
D: okaiy.

Just then it struck, why not make this a game, something fun, something that will make her tell it out loud in case I ever forget again. That evening when I picked her up, purposefully did not put the belt. I came to the drivers seat, started the car and exclaimed in a shocking tone:

Me: Oh my goodness, D! Guess what happened.
D: What happened?
Me: I forgot to put your seat belt, betu. Thats not good.. Thats not good..
D: yes mumma. You forgot. Oh my goodness, mumma.
Me: hmm.. You can get hurt when you are not belted. Thats why I wear it, Dlittle wears it, everyone in the car wears it. Next time if I forget, you tell me ok?
D: okaiy.

Some days I belt her, come to the drivers seat and start asking

Me: Is my daughter wearing seat belt?
D: Yes, mumma.
Me: Are my two two daughters wearing seat belt?
D: Yes, mumma. Both both your daughters are wearing seat belt.
Me: The big girl and the small girl? Are you sure?
D: Yes.

Few times into doing this, it was that day for me to purposefully forgot to belt her.
Even before I started the car, my little one exclaimed, just as I wished,
Oh, you forgot my seat belt, Mumma! Not good, Mumma!

!! We did it !!

We are still working on few intrinsic details, but overall it was one successful week in school it has been a joy ride for her as there is no pressure to eat and the word “no” is prohibited in school. All of the four days, she has vehemently refused to leave the school and come home, we had to pass subtle hidden stares and bribe her to avoid any further embarrassment.

******

The first day was rather easy, was no surprise after having experienced her first day in day care. That morning, after a good adult style debate, ended up making pasta for her lunch instead of aalo paratha. Her lunch bag was packed, her back pack had the hand sanitizer, a box of Kleenex and sunscreen. When we reached school, she insisted on carrying all her belongings herself. She excitedly ran inside leaving me with few seconds to capture the moment.

I walked D into her class while LH waited in the lobby with Dlittle. The plan was to start her off with half a day, but a talk with her teacher(Miss B) convinced me to let her go with the regular planned routine from day 1. I was pretty restless the whole day, called the school in the afternoon to check on her eating skills. Miss B said she ate well. I went around 4:00pm to pick her up, she was dressed in the same clothes as she left home. Yes, that means no accidents I was the happiest, proudest mother ever! The minute we reached home, I showered her with hugs and kisses. After the emotions settled down a bit, I opened her lunch box to find pasta just as it was packed in the morning. Wondered why Miss B said that she ate well. Perhaps she did not know which kid I was asking about? I was furious. D was active as ever, not eating lunch did not seem to bother her. I sat her down for some talking. She said she did not eat because she wanted sandwich. I had to feel happy that D hadn’t cried, hadn’t fussed once and adjusted very well to the new environment. Considering it was her first day, I had to be hopeful her eating will get better in days to come.

******

Day 2, 2 aalo paratha’s and some grapes were packed for lunch and snack. I told Miss B that D had not eaten anything the day before. Miss B promptly answered it was the montessori style of teaching. They are not allowed to force kids to eat Or do anything for that matter. Not seeing a happy mother, she added to keep an eye on D and remind her few times to finish her lunch. That evening, D refused to come back home as she was waiting in line to paint. I waited for her to finish painting, she still wouldn’t come. When few subtle stares did not do the trick, bribing to grab pink color pencil on the way back home did the trick. No accidents on day 2 . One out of the two parathas had found its calling and that raised my hope.

******

Day 3, It was going to be a rice trial. Egg rice and apples it was. Three of my friends called that afternoon to check on D. The proud mother could not stop raving, in the process forgot all about the phone JINX.. D came home in her spare pants that day The good news, her lunch box was half empty.

******

Day 4, 3 pieces of idli and grapes, it was. All 3 gone by the end of the day. !! IDLI ROCKS !! And no accidents either! Maybe she knew it was Friday?

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Report from Miss B: She is assertive, very active, talkative, adamant, knows what she wants. She is not able to focus on one job[project, play], she hops from one to another… She does not give space to other kids..
I wonder if it’s too much to ask a 34 month old to focus on A Project? Are they old enough to have a sense of it? I stayed back on Friday to observe D and the other kids. Other kids much younger than D seem to have the ability to focus. They pick a toy, sit on the big conference style table and play with that one toy without getting distracted with others on the table. [These kids have been with this school at least a month]. Is it a matter of time? I don’t know yet. I wish to learn more about this and log the changes it brings in D.