September 2007:

D's First Day to School

February 2010:

Dlittle's First Day to School

Many a times, the 8th of the month would pass by without the crossing thought that Dlittle just got older by another month. But, ever since the first of this month, it has shadowed my mind. My little daughter is going to be a year old in a month, soon to be toddler.

Both my kids have brought so much joy in our lives, I don’t have words to express. The balance they bring in this ever-stressful life, the sanity they help maintain, the kindness they provoke, the differences they make us reconcile. They are the closest one can get to God, in the very true sense.

Dlittle and D are temperamentally very different. D is bubbly she amazes me with her energy and she has got the cutest smile. She is not the cuddling types, she is more of the thinker type, taken after her fathers genes. How many times I have bribed her with one thing or the other just to get a kiss, just for a hug. My littlest one however, is the utterly cuddly type. Sometimes she would come close by, lick my face, push her head into my lap and just lie there for few seconds. She would then get up and walk, do something else and then come right back. For once I realise the emotions animals portray by that very act. This little one, would wake up in the night, sit up, look at me, smile and fall on my belly. Cling to me, wrap her hands around and continue to sleep.

D is not the cuddly and expressive type, but when she does, she tosses my heart for a spin. I was around 24 weeks pregnant with Dlittle. We had gone to The Disney on Ice theater show. It was dark by the time the show got over and the road towards the parking lot had been detoured to manage the crowd. One of the detour sign had a protruding rod, which was not visible in the fast moving crowd. And I tripped over it. My stomach down. I could not register what had happened, for couple of minutes unable to get any meaningful word out of my mouth. I remember blabbering, naturally the only thought in my mind was the baby. The husband visibly mad. In all this commotion, I did not notice that my 2 year old then, had been watching unable to express her emotions. After a little while when I was back to senses, I realised that I had shielded my belly with my hands, had bruises all over my palm, but the belly did not touch the ground. We decided to go to the emergency anyways to be sure. Well, we buckled up in the car. This little darling of mine, who seemed contained all along, burst into tears and started shivering. One and only one thing she kept repeating. Crying and talking constantly without a breather. Mummy, are you ok? No cry mummy, please come and sit with me. Hand pakko[Hold my hands]. We pulled over the very next parking lot, me and her hugged each other, both weeping like there is no tomorrow. This moment though scary was precious. This kind of love can only be felt, not expressed.

When the two sisters don’t see each others for few hours, they yearn for each other. The expression they show when they wake up in the morning OR when I go to pick D up from the school is priceless. Dlittle would pat her older one and squeal at the first sight and D would not get tired telling her friends over and over again, Hey, this is my sister. Come, come, see her. You know, she does this. She does that. She knows to walk. The love don’t last long, within few hours they are on top of each other fighting for the same pen or paper. But somehow, when the music is turned on, lights are dimmed, we are wrapping up for the day, they get their calm back. They cuddle, they kiss, they say good night. The next morning, first thing younger one does is to look at the door looking out for her sister. The first thing the older one does is to hug and kiss her little one, ask her if she had a good sleep, even if she is at the verge of wetting her pants. And that gives me the hope, that though they will be of very different personalities, though they will compete, though they will fight over petty things, though they will choose different paths, though they will physically far apart, they will be there for each others, they will long for each others, long after I am gone.

This past Friday was D’s last day in day care, She is starting Montessori from tomorrow. ** Wiping the sweat! **

Coming to think about it, its exactly one year since she started day care. Made me take a pleasant stroll down the memory lane

Choosing a day care:
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We took the decision to put D in day care when she turned 21 months. Ideally I wanted to wait till she hit the 2 year marker. But, D being a very social and outgoing person, I found it harder and harder to entertain her the whole day. Add to it my not-so-good temperament to handle it without losing it at the end of day. To top it, Hs venture required more resources and I had to pitch in. It was tough, but we had to take the decision to let her be with other kids of her age for about 3 hours a day. The painstaking hunt began.

I had few basic criterion in mind, one with the least amount of deviation was going to be it.
- Clean, bright and spacious.
- Licensed.
- Child to teacher ratio less than 4.
- Should not have more than 10 kids.
- Mostly Indian food OR atleast vegetarian food.
- Outdoor play area.
- Experienced.
Nice to have:
- Kids of approximately same age.
- Recommendation from moms I knew.
- Hindi speaking.
- Close to home.

Our first preference was an Indian home based day care, as for the food, number of kids and language condition. Nothing against a non-Indian place, we thought this would make her transition smooth. Looked around for almost a month. Some were disgustingly unhygienic, some were run solely for business with no passion whatsoever. Some which I liked did not have vacancy, some were not willing to take part time kids. After a very lengthy exhausting search, we decided on one which two of our friends recommended and was closest to our needs. This was the one which I had liked at first sight. Mostly, because the care giver and the helpers(2 of them) sounded very sweet and very caring, they had 10 kids in all, all the three care givers were 40+, she has been doing this for 12 years.
On the day of tour, me and H went into another room to get a copy of the paper work and talk more details. When we came out, D was there playing with the kids as though she had known them for ages. Everything about this place just sounded right. And we enrolled her right there.

First week in day care:
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The decision was made and D was going to start in a week. The day comes. We reached the place round 9:30 AM. I had planned to stay there for about half hour and sneak out quitely. The mother in me was expecting to see her cling on to me, not let me leave the place and what not! To the contrary, the minute we reached, she ran inside and started playing with the kids. I handed over the paper work and the check to the lady, came down to deliver my pre-planned lecture to D. She did not even bother to sit for a minute and talk to me. She got busy finding her spot within the circle the kids were sitting getting ready for Circle time. After observing for few minutes and instructing the care giver to call me the minute she would fuss, I left hesitantly. I felt an overwhelming emotion to leave her with someone I hardly knew. This was the very first time ever I was leaving her with anybody other than H and my mom. I couldn’t stop myself from driving by her house couple of more times. Don’t know maybe I was expecting to see smoke in her house the minute D cries. It felt silly and I drove back home. I was constantly checking my home phone, my cell phone making sure they were all working. I wouldn’t remove my shoes in anticipation of the phone call any minute.

After about an hour, I received the much anticipated call. Only to hear that D is happily playing with the kids, not once asked for me, swiped the snack plate and lunch to the last bit. And asked for a second serving. Boy, did that make me happy and proud! But the happiness lasted only a few minutes, as soon I realised she was a grown up toddler and did not need me 24 x 7. My heart broke into zillion pieces. Barely managing to contain myself for another hour, I went to pick her up. She saw me, ran and gave me a hug and a kiss. She told “her friends of one day” that I was her Mummy. It felt so good to see her so happy.

Very soon, she started refusing to take her afternoon nap at home and wanted to go back to V aunty home(day care). And surprisingly she would sleep in V aunty home, whatever magic V aunty did. I think it was the environment and the sight of other kids sleeping. We then extended her 3 hours to 6 hours. She would nap and take her evening milk in V aunty home, followed by snack in mummy home

Last day in day care:
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This Friday was her last day in day care. She is growing up at the speed of light. How I wish I could slow down the clock and extend her babbling toddler years. How I wish I could have blogged from the day she was born to record day to day tidbits. Wishes are wishes, I am happy I am writing now. Coming to the topic, on the last day I took cup cakes for the kids, a bouquet of flowers, a nice box of chocolate and a hand written thank you note for each of the care givers. Asked D to personally thank them, making this year long journey a fun and memorable one. There was a 5 minute hugging and kissing session within V aunty, B aunty, F aunty and D. We left with an open invitation to visit them anytime

What next?
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We had a surprise visit by a friend this morning and D tells them ‘Mommy says I am going to PINK school(thats the name D has given to her school) tomorrow . She knows somethings cooking, but does not have a clue what “school” is. I have been reading Bernstein bears back to school books and showing her Elmo ready for school videos, she seems to enjoy it.
As for me, the mother, its Monday evening and I am nervous. Nervous as in the day before exam! The questions all over again, this time the issues are different, but the emotions are the same.
Will she fit into the new environment?
Will she adjust to non-indian kids?
Will she be able eat by herself?
Will she pee and poop where she is supposed to!!

Tips?
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Experienced moms reading this post: Any tips on the type of food/snack to pack for lunch? Food that would taste good after being inside a packed box for 3 hours. Tips on helping her ease into the new environment.

For tomorrow, the grand plan is make aalo paratha early in the morning for her lunch and pick her up right after lunch. More updates as it happens…

D’s day care was off this past Friday. Grand plans for the day was to have fun coloring (Inspired by Tharini), make pasta necklace(Thanks to Barney), get a makeover(ok, hair cut) and finish it with dinner at Fresh choice.

We started off with the coloring project. My ultimate goal was to get her to sit at one place for 10 minutes with the crayons and chart paper. To get her into action, I outlined a butterfly, asking her to color it. I was vigilantly observing from a distance. She showed no interest in coloring, neither did she sit at one place. She was more interested in taking out the cap of the crayons(these are the pen type crayons), boxing them into plastic containers, transferring them from one box to another. She then mix and match the cap and the crayon of different colors. Boxes them again. Un-boxes, this time, caps it with the right colors. I intervened about coloring the butterfly. She said ok. Just then I took a break to check om Dlittle. I come back to see D has drawn spots on the butterfly. Wow, you think? No, she hasn’t drawn the spots, she has made holes in the chart and claims she drew spots! Maybe she is not ready for this yet We decided to hop on to the next activity.

It came to my realisation it was not a good time to make the pasta necklace as D would then demand pasta for lunch. We had plans to eat out that night(pasta and soup). So, we ended up with singing and dancing. Dancing to all sorts of tunes, from wheels on the bus to Jhoom Barrrabar Jhoom.
It was a beautiful Sunny day. H who was supposed to be working from home, could not resist all the fun we were having Joining the fun, papa and D went out to play hop splash.
Tired from dancing and hop slash, D crashed to sleep.
Later that evening, we went to Fresh choice for dinner, D’s favorite restaurant. Actually, a family favorite. She loves the soup, pasta, jello AND ice cream. We had a blast. In the midst of eating, H hands over the iphone to me asking me to listen to it. I thought he was listening to a podcast and probably some interesting twist he wanted me to listen to. I took it from his hands and it was playing ‘bahoon mein chali aa..’. Both of us kept smiling at each other . It reminded me of Pop-Moms this post when we driving back home.(I know, I need to get a life outside work and blogging!). But, I guess these small gestures is what keeps us going..

The day did not go as planned, it was better than we planned [D did surprise me on Saturday, will write another post].

[I started responding to the comments on the previous post, realised it was getting too long, so here goes another one.]

First of all, thanks for all your tips and comments. It so overwhelming to see you wonderful mommies out there whom I have never met, taking few minutes to read somebody’s “venting out” post and even taking a minute to comment. It means a lot to a loner, who can’t keep her mouth shut for more than 5 minutes when awake, who sits at home all day, juggling between the madly entrepreneurial husband who only talks when needed, work and the little ones. Days go by when she has not met OR spoke to another person other than The husband and kids.
[Not that I don't have friends, I am blessed with wonderful friends, but they have limited time to rant... they have kids and work too. Blogging is my new found therapist!]

In response to the comments:
I know I am loving her enough and doing all I can. I wrote what that moment made me feel, it’s the tone with which she said it and the frustration she showered on naana.
Yes, first I need to change the story. Maybe a more sensible story that does not involve poor naana. Or maybe no story! Just reality and she needs to deal with it.

utbt, she has said this many times in the last few weeks and you are right it has always been when she has done something wrong and gets corrected for it.
This time however, she had woken up from a good 10 hour sleep. She is usually her best in the mornings, the loving and cuddling kid. She hasn’t done anything to look for a way out. Then she saying it with a ‘please’ makes me think she is probably not manipulating. She is genuinely missing her naani.
It has happened once before when she woke up at 3 in the night and asked for naani. We made a call to naani, she refused to speak. Tried hugging and cuddling. Did not work. More than an hour of non-stop crying when H decided the only way out was to forcefully sleep her. Did not work, it only made her scream more. Thank god for Barney, she was calm for few minutes and dosed off in the couch. The next morning, I sat her down and we had our usual mother-to-daughter conversation. [This mother-to-daughter conversation we always have when she is in the happiest of her moods. When I talk to her, I am either hugging her OR sitting her in my lap.] I asked her why she behaved the way she did. She said ‘But I love naani mummy. That’s why I cried!’. It made me feel sad, I made a sad face and said hmm.., I love her too. She then said ‘It’s ok Mummy. Naani will finish making mummum for naani and come to my home’. I thought she probably had a bad dream or something, probably why she woke up in the first place.

As I had written in Dlittle’s homecoming post, when I came home with Dlittle, to my surprise she did not fuss a bit. [This is the kid who will hit Hubby if he pats me in front of her, as she would thinks he is hitting me]. She was this happy go sister playing the sister part. And that surprised me. Might sound like a saddist, but at times it was disappointing. She had no issues with me carrying or nursing Dlittle, not once asked me to put Dlittle down and carry her.
After some thought it occurred to me that it was because of naani. She interpreted naani’s coming as Muumy for Dlittle::Naani for D. It worked then. Now that naani has left, she is not able to articulate that. This is my interpretation. I might be totally wrong here.

Well, naani is not coming back anytime soon, so today I told her that very thing. Naani is not coming back, but naani has promised to send D a lot of gifts for her birthday, and guess what Naani requested Mummy to host D’s birthday in chuck-e-cheese (Her favorite place). She seems to be super excited. It it continues, I am planning to get some videos and books on this theme and talk her into it.
Lets see how this goes.

‘I want Nanny to come to my home, Mummy’ says D over and over again. At first, I kept repeating the story I had initially framed that Naani has to make mummum for Naana. in retrospect, I am not sure that was right.

Last couple of times she adds ‘Yucky Naana’ in addition to ‘I will tell Naani not to make mummum for Naana and come to my home’. Most of the time she says this when she gets corrected for bad behavior and is looking for a rescuer. I keep telling myself she is just using it as an excuse to get out of the situation, which by the way she is very capable of.

This morning, I was still in my bed with Dlittle cooing near me. D and papa were sleeping downstairs. Dlittle’s cooing got louder and she was looking absolutely adorable. Made me make a call to Naani, and Naani was as always hyper to here the little one. I did not realise I had been talking to her for more then an hour, D woke up in the mean time and came upstairs. Its our morning ritual, she wakes up, comes to me, we wish each others a very good morning, snuggles into me and sleeps few more minutes. This morning she came up, wished good morning and asked who I was talking to. I said ‘Naani, betu. You want to talk?’ She took the phone from me and the first sentence she uttered ‘Please come to my home Naani’. Naani could not speak for few seconds. I can only imagine what she might have gone through. She gathered herself and said I will come soon beta. Naana wants to talk to you. and hands the phone to Naana. Only for Naana to hear that he was a yucky Naana and D does not like him because he made Naani to come there and make mummum for him. I asked D to stop saying that, but Naana stopped me and asked me to let her vent it out .

Dlittle is sleeping and I am supposed to start the work day. The tone D used this morning is haunting me. Is my love not enough? Is my baby feeling left out? I so wanted to not send her to day care today, but I have a work commitment today. duh!
I know life has to go on, I just needed a place to vent!

I am 2 months old(10 weeks). Hurray!
An Update on 2 month journey.

Month 1:
Life has been good these 2 months. The first month I was sleeping for the most part. Rest of the time I spent battling the milk machine. Mommy kept blaming me for Mastitis, thank god she figured it was the fenugreek supplement taken without a set routine, causing the milk machine to go bonkers!

My first outing:
My first day out was when I turned 30 days. My first visit outside of house and doctors office was The temple. Papa does not believe in God, still he accompanies Mommy any time she wishes to go the temple. Thanks for being sensitive to her feelings, Papa. We went to the temple, thanked God for giving us everything we have and prayed for every body’s well being. I thought we were driving back home happily sleeping in the calming vibration of the car, when it was suddenly parked in front of the subway restaurant. I was kinda hungry, could wait few more minutes, so went back to sleep right away. Just then heard Mommy mumbling to naani it would take 10 minutes for the sandwich and then about 20 minutes to reach the park. The park was Ddidi’s favorite, had choo choo train and carousel in addition to regular park stuff. By the time I realised what she had said, mommy and papa were inside the restaurant. What would I do? I was hungry and cannot wait 30 minutes. I was demand fed you see, I had to decide when I wanted milk. And the only way to communicate was to scream. I started screaming on top of my lungs. Papa had switched the child lock on and so naani could not get out of the car. Ddidi’s car seat was in between mine and naani’s, she could not reach out to me. Neither could she unbuckle Didi as Papa had left the car running for the Ac to work.
Meanwhile mommy and papa are happily ordering sandwich and debating which soft drink to take with it. Mommy turned for a minute and saw naani waving at her frantically. She came running to hear me screaming. By time time, I was crying so loud that naani had tears in her eyes and Ddidi was crying not knowing what else to do. Luckily there was a private spot nearby, I got fed lunch. A quick conference was held to decide the next plan of action. After some debating, decided to go to another park that was 2 minutes away, which by the way Ddidi likes as well. She calls this duckling park.

Month 2+ :
At about 8 weeks, I started cooing and gurgling. I can now turn myself to track the sound. I cannot see clearly yet, but I can recognise parents and Ddidi by the voice. I love when Mommy also coos and tries to make the same sound as I do. And I respond right away with a big toothless grin.

At 9 weeks it was time for the pre-scheduled doc appointment to take my 2 month shot(grr…). We were getting late and Ddidi was insisting on joining us. You see, she likes stickers. She will go any distance to get one. Even to the doctors office. Dr J comes by for the physical evaluation. I am trying hard to say Hello and Thank you to her as I wanted to show I can speak. ok, not words yet, but sounds like gurr.. burr.. ung.. aggu… Dr. J immediately figured and told mommy that I am going to be one talkative girl. Good luck Mommy! Or should I rephrase it to Good luck Papa.
3 talkative girls and one man to listen! We are going to be one fun family!

My weight and height were at the 60% percentile(11.3 oz / 23 inches), I could see smiling faces all over the room. It meant so much to them and I was happy to see them happy. Just when I thought the doc visit was over and it wasn’t that bad after all, I was taken to this room where the nurse had his nose covered and the needles lay in the tray waiting to poke me. Mommy quickly volunteered to take Ddidi out, throwing me into papa’s arms. I screamed for about 10 seconds, it really wasn’t that bad. Made me wonder why Mommy was making such a big fuss in the morning.. Little did I know what was to come later!
We came home and I slept. When I woke up I felt an excruciating pain in the thighs where I got my shots. What then? Scream again, Mommy gave me Tylenol and it helped in about 15 minutes. I hope to be pain free for another 2 months before I am due for the 4 month shot

Life is great and I am happy to be part of my family!

- Dlittle

Thanks to Trishna aunty’s comments, my mommy finally took the much needed trip to guiltland and I got my first besan haldi (gram flour and turmeric) bath today!
It comes to my knowledge that my sister started with besan haldi bath and slowly graduated to Aveeno. I got the privilege to start with the expensive Aveeno soothing bath for babies. Not that I don’t like it, but besan haldi has its charm. The smell and the freshness! Please don’t mistake her, she loves me to death, she probably just got a little lazy and tired..
I am lying on the bed and squealing with joy as she writes this post.

Thanks once again Aunty. Please do feel free to whack her once in a while.
(She promises more updates after I get my first shots tomorrow. grr….)

- Dlittle

Back into the blogosphere after a brief absence. July took a toll on us emotionally, physically and electronically. We are slowly gathering ourselves on all fronts.

Electronically broke as the laptop keyboard gave up to the water D spilled on it.
Physically rough as all of us except naani were sick almost all of July. cold, cough, double dose of mastitis, diarrhea as a side effect of antibiotics. To top it, I got diagnosed with umbilical hernia needing another elective surgery. [A loaded post to follow].
Emotionally drained as the amazing lady, D’s naani headed back to our homeland last week, the toughest to deal with.

The house feels haunted especially during the day with naani leaving, D going back to day care, Dlittle sleeping and H going to office. It has just been a week without her and it already feels like decades.

I had been prepping D in this regard. But then D being D, who thinks the world is under her feet and everybody around her is obliged to her needs, kept saying Naani is not going anywhere.

The day before naani is scheduled to leave, me and D go to the mall to pick up some stuff. On the way, me and D have a heart-to-heart mom-to-daughter conversation.

D : Mummy, where is naani going?
Me: She is going to India betu.
D : Why mummy? Because I doing bamaashi(mishcief). I will go home and tell naani naani I will be good girl. Not do bamaashi.
Me: Na beta. You are a very good girl. She is going because naana is alone there and there is nobody to make food for him.
D : Naana is alone? [pause]When she will over with mummum then she will come in the night and sleep with me, mummy.
Me: hmm… Naani has to make mummum today, tomorrow, Saturday, Sunday. All the days. Naana does not know to cook.
D : Mummy, I also not know to make mummum. Then naani will come here to D house and make mummum. Yes, mummy?
Me: hmm.. ok here is the deal. Mummy will make mummum for D and papa. Naani will make mummum for naana. ok? Who would you want to make mummum for D? Mummy or Naani?
D : [So much for the kids attention span, or maybe she does not want to choose]. Look at. Two Two bus mummy. That my pink school bus.

We shopped happily for an hour and came back home.

The day arrives. Before I even woke up, Naani has put the remaining teeny-bit load of laundry in the washer, cooked for the day, loaded the dish washer. When I opened my eyes, I saw her in my room with a cuppa chai. [I should say the 2.5 months she has been here, almost every day I woke up to the smell of chai). I am carefully avoiding to look into her eyes as the water geyser in both our eyes are overflowing ready to gush out. D and papa get ready to go the airport, I am making sure she has packed everything, the passport and medicines in particular. The moment comes. H starts the car, puts D in the car seat and is waiting. There goes, all the water in store. Naani kisses me on the forehead and says, bachon ke saamne nahi rote. (Not to cry in front of kids). You are a mother of 2 beautiful kids now. You should enjoy every moment. Khush raho. Smile on both our faces and she leaves.

Her flight gets delayed by 2 hours, sitting in airport thinking of her grand daughter, she finally could not resist temptation to call home and check on D. D tells her, Naani, u are going to make mummum for naana. Make 1 mummum, 2 mummum.... 5 mummum fast fast and come to my house.

Later that night, when D gets ready to sleep, she tells, lets wait mummy, naani will over mummum and come and then D will sleep with naani. You go and sleep with Dlittle, Dlittle is alone and she will get scared. Felt the lump in my throat and kept reading her story book. D then says, Mummy D didi is sad today. I ask her Why beta? Mummy is here with you and mummy loves you very much. She says mummy can you read Dora and boots story for me? Hugs me and sleeps.
She woke up at 3am screaming the monster bit her. I thought in reality some bug had bit her and stripped her and the bed to find nothing. When asked where the monster wwas, she says it came out of her leappad Boo-Monsters inc book into her sappa(sapna - dream)!! Makes me wonder how their brain works and how they can relate things.

Day 3:
She is comfortably talking to naani over the phone and is doing ok. However, she is starting to settle her emotions with Dlittle. Few statements that shocked me and H.
- I will not bite her mummy.
- Open your eyes Dlittle. D didi wants to play with you. [Fiddles with Dlittle's eyelids].
- I ask her not to bother Dlittle as she is sleeping. I get back – ‘You are killing me mummy!’
Where is she learning all these from?

Day 4:
Happy big didi again. Happily conversing with naani over the phone, not once asked about her coming back. She is just giving updates on her sister, day care and every thing under the world.

Day 5:
couple of times she has asked for naani and why naani is not coming bak. The she tells herself naani is making mummum for naana beause he cannot cook.
Now, she wants Me and only Me to rock her to sleep just like I do Dlittle.

Day 6:
We even managed to find time to go for a walk, all four of us. It felt great, felt like a sane family again.

So, life is settling, I am learning to be more patient(or just plain patient) and more tolerant. I am dead tired at the end of the day. Both the kids are sleeping, H happy in his office chatting with his offshore team. My back bone is about to break, yet there is some sense of accomplishment and immense satisfaction

This morning, I was nursing Dlittle. Just then, D decides she wants a hug. I manage to squeeze in a hug. One hug is not enough. She wants more ans more and more. When I ask her to wait for few minutes, I get – I am not doing anything. I only want to love you, mummy. Oh my dear little girl, I give Dlittle to my mom and hug D. By then, Dlittle is screaming as she is not done yet. I take Dlittle back from mom to hear from D – ‘When I become small girl like Dlittle, then you will feed me also?’ Tears filled my eyes

Linked to karmickids: Is my child happy?

Every parent would analyse this differently depending on what happiness means to them taking into account the child’s personality.

I know my child is happy and loves me when:

When she proudly introduces me to her friends in day care ‘This is my mummy’.

When she laughs beyond control at my funny gestures. It melts me when she says ‘You are funny girl. mummy’. I could walk upside down to hear it from her.

When she says ‘You are looking very pretty today, mummy’.

When she gets hurts, comes running to me. All I do is to kiss her on her bruise to hear ‘Thankyou mummy. Its ok now’

When she is in the temple and says ‘Thank you for giving me mummy, thank you for giving me papa. Thanks for giving me toys’. Yes, I did teach her to say this with folded hands probably once or twice and then she started saying on her own.

When she comes home and asks ‘Where is my sister? Can I love her’

When she wakes up with a smile and shouts Where are you mummy? Waits for couple of minutes, runs to our room if we dont show up to cuddle in my arms and sleep for few more minutes.

When she finds us in pain, fetches her chewable vitamin and asks us to eat it to feel better.

When she jumps from the couch down holding my hands with complete faith in me to not let her down.

I can go on and on.. Dlittle one is waking up. Time to feed.

Bottomline is If parents are happy, the child is happy. The child is happy, the parent is happier and it continues…
Every day is not the same. We do get my moments, but for the most part I can consider my household a happy camper. Lot of credit goes to H, his postivie vibe and energy reflecting on us.

Guggu Baata aka Milk machine. D transitioned to the bottle when she hit 9 months, however continued to nurse to sleep. When she was a little more than a year old, she found it fascinating to hear me scream every time she bit me. The tube light in my head sparked and I realised it was time to wean her. I would then ask her as though she was old enough to understand – D, duddu bottle se piyogi? She conveniently interpreted the milk machine as the duddu bottle. And she started asking for guggu baata.

From then on the milk machine in my household is addressed as guggu baata. Did I dare to correct her? NO. Why?

We go to the beach and there goes D – mummy, 1 aunty has guggu baata, 2 aunty has guggu baata… and so on..
We went to visit my sister who had her baby few months back. D happened to see her nurse, comes out to the living room where a lot of us had gathered and declares mousi also has guggu baata, just like mummy.
Every time I nurse Dlittle, she has to know which guggu baata? the left or the right.

The moment I waited for nine long months was just around the corner. I am in the hospital ready for the surgery. In between the 4 minutes apart contractions, I manage to call up a close friend (Have I mentioned I am blessed with wonderful friends! What do I do without ya’ll?? ) and asked her to drop D in the day care. After all the drama in the delivery room and successful delivery of Dlittle, am heading back to the recovery room. Friend and her sis arrive in no time with my mom. H takes a break to pick D up from day care, takes her home, gives her a bath and brings her to the hospital.

D walks into the recovery room, startled at the setup. She looks at the IV needle in my hands and says ‘Hi mummy, gocker(doctor) gave you jection(injection)’ and looks around the room. She has not spotted Dlittle inside the bassinet yet. I break the news to her. Dlittle has come out of mummy’s tummy, D. ‘Weear(Where?) mummy? I not find aanything’ says D. By then H lifts Dlittle out of the bassinet holds her in one arm, kneels down and holds D in another arm. The three of them hugging each other, tears of joy rolling H’s eyes, there was silence for about a minute. Surprisingly, D who cannot stand or sit still for more than 10 seconds in one place, was hugging H for a whole minute as though she understood the emotions. Maybe she does!
It was another memorable moment captured in heart.

D comes to me, gives me a hug and says, ‘Mummy, Dlittle has comeoutted yours tummy. That’s why yours tummy is small now?’ How sweet of her to say my tummy is small. My mom could learn to be a little more subtle from her since a week later she commented that I look six months pregnant! Just then the nurse walks in to check the baby’s temperature. The minute the cold thermometer touches Dlittle, the little one screams with all the energy she has in store. D comes near me and whispers, Auntie is urting(hurting) my sister, mummy. She is crying. Nurse asks D if she is the big sister. D says ‘Yes. I am D didi. Shes name is Dlittle. You know, I am 2 years old. I went to my pink school today’. Please don’t ask me how these statements are connected. This weirdness comes from her fathers genes.

We were home on Monday. Docs wanted to chuck me out on Sunday which was the third day. I refused as I was dreading the day with both the kids home. Also, could hardly stand up for more than 30 seconds as the hemoglobin level was very low. I needed some time, figured Monday would be more manageable as D would be in day care. We reached home that afternoon. Mom received us with aarti. I enjoyed homecoming for a moment, the next moment I am shedding tears as I did not let D witness all this. Was it the harmones again? I guess I felt a sense of guilt the last few days as D has not been talking to me as she normally does.

Monday – Friday was manageable, we would finish everything before D comes home. We have family time when she reaches home, dinner and sleep. We are all making sure D gets enough attention and does not feel left out. We try to involve her in everything we do with Dlittle. Works for the most part except for the early morning drama when she gets frantic. 3 times this past week she woke up between 4 and 5 with a scowl. Then the drama starts and lasts for couple of hours. Hold me in the arm and swing like you do with Dlittle, demands the big sister. Don’t want Dlittle in my house. I am not a big girl, I am a very small girl. H even tried fulfilling her request couple of times, but could not carry her for more than 5 minutes. Only way to calm her down is to put Barney. Not a pretty sight, but was manageable.

Then comes Saturday, I wake up with the thought that D would be home for next 2 days, sure my blood pressure was at its high. Am trying to take it easy and trying to give D as much attention as I can. To my surprise, D was this responsible cute little big sister. To our surprise, D is ok with me and H holding Dlittle, she screams her lungs out if my mom holds her. Thats when I realised this little sweetie has come to terms with herself that naani has come to take care of her and mummy and papa are going to take care of Dlittle. Was overwhelming to see a 2 and a half year old behave that way. On another note, My mom’s leaving in a month, just booked her tickets today. What will I do when she leaves? Lets not talk about that. Will see when it happens.

Its amazing to see how the older one adjusts to the newcomer and automagically feels a sense of relationship and responsibility. I can see her genuinely wanting to participate in everything relating to Dlittle. Be it a family chat about Dlittle, diaper change or nursing. For a little humor, few days back Dlittle was crying. D comes to me and says Mummy, Dlittle is crying. Can you feed her milk. She had just nursed, so I told D that Dlittle is probably just a little sleepy. If she would be quite, the baby might sleep. Don’t know what crossed her mind, this little one is pulling her shirt down on one sleeve, goes near Dlittle and says, hey Dlittle, this is D didi here, I will feed you. Was amazed and shocked at the same time.

Its almost midnight, am sitting besides Dlittle and writing this post, almost time for Dlittle’s next feed. D is sleeping in her room with naani. H is working in his office room, waiting for me to scream thats its time to sleep. Its a wonderful feeling to have kids, and 2 of them make it complete. I can spend hours watching my kids, searching my little me somewhere in them